We Can Become More Then What We Are

The last few years have been hard.  Sometimes I feel like a broken record saying that over & over again, but it’s true.  I have taken a beating from almost every single angle, and despite everything I am still here.

A few weeks ago I realized that something was missing.  A spark that I used to have was gone.  The fire inside me that once had driven me to better myself was gone, and I feared it had been extinguished.

I missed the old me that had once been so creative, and I want it back, so the last few weeks I have been doing a lot of reading.  Books that have sat on my shelf for years unread seemed to almost call to me, asking me to read them, and I did.

Here are a few of my thoughts on the things I have read over the last couple weeks…

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I firmly believe that where we are, right now in life, is a direct result of our choices.  Our choices, good or bad, have brought us to this exact point in life.  And if I, or anyone else finds dissatisfaction with our lives we have no one else to blame but ourselves.  Because our restless nature has nothing to do with our jobs, where we live, our relationships, and friendships, the car we drive, or anything else.

We are restless because of the person we have become.

If we are upset with the life we are living it is a  quiet dissatisfaction with the person we have become.  The person we became through the choices we made.

Now I can sit here and blame others for my life.  I can get angry or upset at the situations others have put me in, but if I really want to be happy I have to stop listening to others and start making better choices.  Choices that will help me to become a better person.

I can worry about my inner fire going out, but if I don’t tend to the fire, and add more wood, of course it’s going to go out.

Now I am going to be honest.  I have no idea how I am going to do this.  But I know I can.  I started Geek and Gamer Fitness from nothing (literally).  I wrote Lucifer despite enormous opposition from loved ones who were suppose to support me.

If I can do those things then I can get back on track and spark the fire within me, and get it growing again.

136. Depressed

Today at work was a bad day! Things at work have been getting worse and worse.

Before anyone tells me that I should post anything on my blog about work let me just say this….I appreciate the concern….I no longer care!

That being said this post really is not about work. Its about finding your place in this world. Over the last two years I have worked to find out who I am and find myself. I have enjoyed the journey, and have discovered some interesting things. The one thing I have toyed with is my professional life. For some time now I have known that what I am doing now is not the best fit for me. To be honest I dont think I am even close to being fit right in my career. I am good at my job, but I dont like what I do. I have some ideas of what I would like to do, but they all require me to step off a cliff and jump into the air with out a safety net. That scares me A LOT!

Here in Washington I just moved into a nice house, I like the area, and I have better friends then I have ever had in my entire life (with the exception of my mission). I dont want to loose any of these things. I REALLY dont want to move again! I am tired of moving! Washington is the first place in a long time that I feel like I am at home.