Random Archives - Behind the Lens

The last few years have been hard. Sometimes I feel like a broken record saying that over & over again, but it’s true. I have taken a beating from almost every single angle, and despite everything I am still here.

A few weeks ago I realized that something was missing. A spark that I used to have was gone. The fire inside me that once had driven me to better myself was gone, and I feared it had been extinguished.

I missed the old me that had once been so creative, and I want it back, so the last few weeks I have been doing a lot of reading. Books that have sat on my shelf for years unread seemed to almost call to me, asking me to read them, and I did.

Here are a few of my thoughts on the things I have read over the last couple weeks…

I firmly believe that where we are, right now in life, is a direct result of our choices. Our choices, good or bad, have brought us to this exact point in life. And if I, or anyone else finds dissatisfaction with our lives we have no one else to blame but ourselves. Because our restless nature has nothing to do with our jobs, where we live, our relationships, and friendships, the car we drive, or anything else.

We are restless because of the person we have become.

If we are upset with the life we are living it is a quiet dissatisfaction with the person we have become. The person we became through the choices we made.

Now I can sit here and blame others for my life. I can get angry or upset at the situations others have put me in, but if I really want to be happy I have to stop listening to others and start making better choices. Choices that will help me to become a better person.

I can worry about my inner fire going out, but if I don’t tend to the fire, and add more wood, of course it’s going to go out.

Now I am going to be honest. I have no idea how I am going to do this. But I know I can. I started Geek and Gamer Fitness from nothing (literally). I wrote Lucifer despite enormous opposition from loved ones who were suppose to support me.

If I can do those things then I can get back on track and spark the fire within me, and get it growing again.

Its raining here in WA, which means the summer is coming to a close and the rains are coming back. For the most part I felt like it was a decent summer, and I enjoyed the weather. The winter out here is another story. It generally rains here all day, all night, all week, all month, and all winter. When you want to go do something you just have to go no matter the weather, because if you wait for a non rain day during the winter you wont get one. I am interested in how this is going to affect our outdoor activities. Terra and I run with a group on several days out of the week. I am curious how the membership will be affected by the rain. I dont think the core group will change because they were there when we started with the group, and it was raining then. But our Monday group is very small. It usually just Terra, myself and one other girl. Thursdays there is a group that runs, but I have never been, but Terra tells me that group is small too.

Tonight we are heading over to the comic shop to play Galaxy Truckers, a game we picked up while at PAX. It was without a doubt the best game we played the entire weekend. Speaking of PAX we found out that PAX and Dragoncon are being held on two separate weekends with one week in between each. So I am thinking of going to PAX and then taking the week in between off and going to Dragoncon. I am excited at the idea.

I need to get back to work on my book and business. Been a bit lazy over the last month, and I need to pop myself out of it.