From Hot Mess Express to Happily Ever After
Valentine's Day is upon us, and I'm not the biggest fan of the corporate nature it has become. But, that doesn't mean I can't take a moment to appreciate the woman who has made my heart skip a beat.
After my divorce, I vowed to never get married again. I was in a vulnerable and lonely state of mind and the last thing I wanted was to open myself up to that level of vulnerability again. I did dabble in the dating world, but I made some rookie mistakes.
Firstly, I started dating too soon. I wasn't over my divorce, and instead of finding meaningful relationships, I ended up just bleeding all over the people I tried to date. Not cool, Adam, not cool. Secondly, I had this idea in my head that I was unworthy of love, so I dated people who were not a good fit for me. Let's just say it wasn't a successful strategy.
But, then came "her." I wasn't expecting her at all. I was ready to swear off not only marriage, but dating altogether. Then, out of nowhere, she caught my attention. We had known each other for years, but during a late-night chat session, I found myself saying words before my filter could kick in and stop it. Thankfully, my filter failed because having her in my life is the best thing that has ever happened to me.
When we first started dating, I had nothing to my name but a cute puppy dog, nine boxes of books, two garbage bags of clothes, and a mattress on the floor. I was literally a hot mess. But, she chose me, and that's all that mattered. She saw something in me, and despite having no money, no home, and no place that was mine, she chose me.
She has been by my side through everything. We have gone on adventures to many places, and she has stood by me through unemployment, family hardships, and the death of a friend. She's even supported me through my bizarre career changes and strange ideas. And, when I didn't deserve it, she forgave me and reminded me of my self-worth time and time again.
She is my person, my safe place, and the one who makes me believe that love is worth fighting for. Together or not at all, it's us vs. the world from this day and forever.
So, on this Valentine's Day, I want to give a shout-out to my lovely lady. Thank you for being mine and for choosing me even when I was a hot mess express. I promise to keep being the weird, quirky, and slightly chaotic partner you fell in love with. Here's to many more adventures, laughs, and bad jokes together.
Why I Keep Seeking Approval from People Who Don't Give Me the Time of Day: A Personal Journey
Why do I do this to myself? Why do I put myself through the emotional wringer of seeking the approval of someone who clearly couldn't care less about me? I mean, seriously, why do we as human beings feel the need to seek validation from people who don't give us even the smallest bit of effort? It's a mystery that has plagued me for far too long.
So, I was recently hired to take photos of a product that I've been using since I was 15. I was thrilled about the opportunity, thinking that this would be the moment that this person would finally take notice of me and be proud of me. Yeah, I know, I should have known better. But did I listen to that little voice in my head? Of course not. I went ahead and sent this person a sample of my photos, hoping for a response, a reaction, anything. And what did I get? Absolutely nothing. Zilch. Nada. It was like I was sending my photos into the void.
But, you know what they say, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. So, here I am, once again, feeling like a complete moron for seeking the approval of someone who has shown me time and time again that they don't care. It's like I can't help myself.
Why do we as human beings put so much importance on the opinions of people who don't make an effort in our lives? It's time to take a step back and ask ourselves what's really going on here. Our worth and value as individuals come from within, not from the validation of others. So, let's stop setting ourselves up for disappointment and start focusing on our own self-esteem.
Seeking approval from others is a natural part of being human, but it's important to understand that our worth doesn't depend on the validation of others. We must focus on our own self-esteem and recognize that we are valuable and deserving of love and respect, regardless of the opinions of others. And if all else fails, we can always fall back on sarcasm to help us get through the tough times. Because, let's be real, sometimes sarcasm is the only thing that gets us through life.
The Wedding Weekend
This past weekend I had the opportunity to travel to Woodstock GA with my beautiful wife Leslie to participate in my baby cousin's wedding. Hannah and her now-husband asked me to even perform the ceremony, and it was my great honor to do so.
This is the second wedding ceremony I have had the honor of performing, and I hope it won't be the last. As I prepared for these two wedding ceremonies I thought of all the bad advice I have been given and heard over the years. So I wanted to take the bad advice I had received and turn it into good advice for the couples I was marrying. It occurred that some of this advice could benefit others, not just those rare couples who ask me to perform their ceremonies. So below I would like to share some good marriage advice.
- Go To Bed Angry – Nope, you all heard me correctly, I said go to bed angry. In marriage disagreements and fights will happen. It’s a fact of life, and when these small arguments become a reality, we have a choice to make. We can either solider on tired, worn out, and arguing into the wee hours of the night, or we can respect our partner's need for sleep, we can respect their boundaries, and give them time to process. It has been my experience that things don’t always feel or seem as bleak in morning rays of light.
- The little things matter more than the big things. –The moments in my marriage with my partner, that mean the most to me is when she cooks me breakfast because she knows I am exhausted from work. When she agreed to watch all 11 seasons of Frasier bc she knew it was my comfort show. And when she was my safe place when I needed to cry. Those were the moments that meant the most to me. You both probably already have some of these small moments together…When you find those small moments…Cherish them.
- Communicate – This is the holy grail of all relationships. Talk to your partner and tell them what you want, need, and feel. Too many people will say something like “If my partner truly cared for me, they would just know______” or they will say “If my partner really knew me they would just know ______” These kinds of thoughts poison relationships. If you haven’t communicated something it is not your partner's fault for not being psychic. If you need something ask for it. If you want something express it. You should always feel safe communicating with your partner.
I don't have very many photos of my parents. OK, that is a lie. I don't have very many good photos of my parents, and that's because my parents are very good at making faces whenever a camera is pointing at them. However, during the reception, I was walking around like a Gremlin taking photos, and I am so pleased to have gotten some really nice photos of my parents. I am even happier to know that I was the one to take and create those images.