Doubt and Triumph in Photography

Navigating a whirlwind of emotions, I find myself pondering a common quandary: why do so many gifted and genuinely good individuals grapple with doubt regarding the significance of their creative endeavors? Does our art truly resonate with someone’s soul? Is it, indeed, beautiful? The haunting story of Vincent Van Gogh, who departed this world convinced of his own failure, echoes in my thoughts. I can’t help but wonder how many other creatives share a similar struggle at this very moment—talented souls wrestling with self-doubt, their worth unnoticed.

Today, during my explorations, I stumbled upon a portrait studio unfamiliar to me. Intrigued, I ventured inside to meet its youthful owner—an entrepreneur running a successful franchise, with his work adorning Times Square. While genuinely celebrating his achievements, a question lingers: when will my moment of triumph arrive?

A photo I captured of my wife Leslie

I’ve shared this tale before, but the roots of my love for photography trace back to high school, where I cherished moments with my father’s vintage Canon 35mm film camera. However, my journey into photography remained dormant for years, likely stifled by the expectations of the religious upbringing that guided my early life. The prescribed path was clear: grow up, embark on a mission, return, marry, have kids, and serve the church. Creative pursuits were not championed as enduring skills.

Ten years ago, at the age of 32, I picked up a camera and discovered the enchanting world of photography. From that point on, my journey involved relentless study, practice, and overcoming failures. I delved into understanding light, honed my editing skills, and meticulously crafted a unique style that felt authentically mine. It was a process of self-discovery and artistic definition.

Embracing photography earnestly on Instagram in 2019, I embarked on a mission to create and share meaningful work. Yet, financial success has proven elusive. Securing paying clients and mastering the intricacies of transforming my passion into a thriving business pose ongoing challenges. At 42, I’m acutely aware that the sands of time may have more behind than ahead. The prospect of a perpetual uphill struggle looms, but I’m resolved to face it with dignity and courage.

Despite life’s hardships and numerous hurdles, I’m not throwing in the towel. There’s a fervent desire for life to swing my way a bit more, for my aspirations to materialize sooner. Yet, my love for photography remains unwavering. I’ll persist in molding my creative pursuits into a business that can sustain both myself and my family.

Photographer’s Artistic Journey and Self-Comparison.

I recently jumped into a book by a fellow photographer, a book that delves deeply into this artist’s personal odyssey through the world of photography. He generously shares his formative experiences, recounting how he was gifted his 1st camera at the tender age of 8. Within the pages, he unveils some of the snapshots he captured as a child with that very camera, weaving his life story through the chapters, which document an impressive and unwavering evolution in his photographic prowess as he aged.

A self portrait taken 1 year ago today

As I immersed myself in his narrative, my initial response was one of genuine admiration, a whispered “That’s rather fascinating!” But lurking beneath the surface, an insidious notion began to creep into my thoughts—a comparison, pitting my own photographic journey against his. My introduction to photography was not at the age of 8, but during my high school years. I did not maintain a lifelong dedication to the craft as he did; in fact, my true commitment to this art only blossomed around a decade ago, punctuated by periods of fervent activity and intermittent lulls. My collection doesn’t preserve every single photograph I’ve ever taken; quite the contrary, many have been misplaced or lost over the years, thanks in no small part to my abysmal file organization. In sum, these unsettling thoughts led me down a path of self-doubt, questioning the very essence of my capabilities as a photographer.

This is precisely why comparing oneself to others is fraught with peril.

The unassailable truth is that there exists no universally correct or erroneous route to becoming an artist. Some commence their artistic journey in their tender years, perhaps at the age of 8, while others, like myself, embark on this path in their thirties. Still, others may not kindle their artistic flames until well past their retirement years. The crux of the matter is that there is no singularly correct or incorrect moment to begin, no unequivocal roadmap to follow. The only veritable imperative is to remain faithful to the passions that stir our hearts and fuel our creative spirits. We must craft art that resonates authentically with our own souls and has the power to evoke emotion, even if it’s solely within ourselves.

The point of all of this is to emphasize that it’s absolutely acceptable to learn from and draw inspiration from fellow artists. Nonetheless, we must remain steadfast in our understanding that just because their artistic journey appears distinct from our own does not render our own path any less meaningful or legitimate.

Breaking Free: Why Asking ‘Why?’ is Essential for Personal Growth and Change

As a photographer, I often reflect on how we are conditioned to suppress our curiosity and accept the status quo. This conditioning starts from a young age, where we are discouraged from asking “why” and labeled as a burden or nag if we persist. Truth be told, most adults don’t have the patience for children, and they make it clear to them, most of the time their own children, that they are in the way, and talking too much. This lesson is learned young and is never easy to shake off.

As we grow older, we are told that certain things are just the way they are, and questioning them can lead to unpleasant consequences. As a teenager, we might question why things are the way they are. For example, why do teenagers have to wake up so early to go to school? Why is our life filled with activities but not rest? Why don’t adults have as many activities as teenagers? Why are we being forced to figure out our career, school, marriage, relationships, and religion, all at a young age, with little experience and without even knowing who we are yet? When we ask, we’re told that’s just how it’s always been done.

It’s disheartening to see people give up on asking “why” as they become adults. We might learn not to ask “why” because the other person could become dangerous or erratic. When we ask our partner why they expect us to remind them to do the dishes, they might accuse us of being things we never were. When we question our boss why we have to work from an office for a job we can do better from home, we might be accused of playing lazy. And when we question why priests and religious leaders are still allowed to be alone around children, we’re told to just have faith.

But deep down, we want to ask “why.” We wonder why we can’t do more for a better environment or cut interest from student debt. We question why we have to settle down, have kids, and own a house. And we wonder why we have to balance-beam walk across our lives, careful and patient.

As a photographer, I believe in using my art to challenge these societal norms and inspire people to ask “why” more often. Through my lens, I hope to capture moments that challenge the status quo and inspire others to take action. Whether it’s through capturing the beauty of a person who has never received positive support or affirmation in their life or challenging the norm of women being told to cover up by insecure men, I believe that photography can be a powerful tool for sparking change.

I hope that by capturing these moments and sharing them with others, I can inspire more people to ask “why” and challenge the status quo. Because only through questioning and challenging the status quo can we create a better world for ourselves and future generations. It’s time to break free from the conditioning that tells us to accept things as they are and start asking “why” more often.

From Photography to Videography: My Journey and Experience Shooting a Commercial

As a content creator, I often find myself asked to shoot video for various products or photoshoots. While photography can be challenging in its own right, shooting video presents a unique set of challenges that require a different set of skills and tools. The process of shooting video is more complicated, and the editing process can be much more time-consuming and complex than editing photos. However, with practice and learning, the process can be just as enjoyable and rewarding as photography.

Recently, I was asked to shoot a short commercial for one of my clients’ hair curlers. The project presented some unique challenges, including capturing the movement of the curler and showcasing its unique features in a compelling way. My client had specific needs and wants, but I was able to work with them to come up with a vision that fit their needs and my creative vision.

The shooting process required careful planning and coordination. We had to carefully plan out the shots, ensure proper lighting and sound, and direct the talent to capture the right moments. Shooting video requires more equipment and preparation than photography, including tripods, lighting, microphones, and a host of other tools. It takes a lot of work to make everything come together in a smooth and seamless way.

The editing process was equally challenging. We had to carefully select the best takes, cut out any unnecessary footage, and add in any necessary sound effects or music. The process of editing video is much more time-consuming than editing photos, but the end result is worth it. We were able to create a short video that perfectly showcased the features of the hair curler and captured the essence of the brand.

Overall, I’m really happy with the results of the project. Shooting video requires a different set of skills and tools than photography, but it can be just as rewarding and enjoyable. With practice and patience, it’s possible to create compelling videos that capture the essence of a brand or product. I’m excited to continue learning and growing in this area and can’t wait to see what the future holds.

Living Life on Your Own Terms: The Challenges and Rewards of Pursuing Your Passion

The world we live in is constantly changing, and not necessarily in ways that benefit the human race. Survival has become a challenge, and the odds seem to be stacked against the vast majority of us. We work hard to make a living and support ourselves, but the compensation we receive often doesn’t reflect the effort we put in. Companies demand year-over-year growth to their profits, yet the employees who help them achieve those increases are often not compensated accordingly. We’re stuck in a cycle where the cost of living continues to rise, but our salaries remain stagnant.

A photo taken by me in downtown Orlando while touring Orlando on a Ghost Tour

It’s a harsh reality, but one that many of us face. And yet, there are still those who choose to take control of their lives and pursue their passions. They’re the ones who switch careers multiple times throughout their lives, who take risks and try to live life on their own terms. I’m one of those people.

I started my career as an EMT, then moved into Occupational Health and Safety. After that, I transitioned into Sales and Account Management before finally settling on freelance photography as my full-time profession. It’s a decision I don’t regret, but it hasn’t been an easy path.

There are many benefits to being a full-time freelance photographer. I make my own schedule, choose who I want to work with, and don’t have to ask anyone permission to take time off or go on vacation. But there are also downsides. Finding clients can be difficult, cash flow isn’t always guaranteed, and there’s a constant feeling that I should always be working.

One of the biggest challenges of being self-employed is the pressure to constantly make ends meet. Bills don’t stop just because you have a slow month, and the companies you owe money to have to make those year-over-year profits, right? It’s a reality that many entrepreneurs face, but it’s not often talked about.

Starting a business is not for the faint of heart. It takes a lot of hard work, sleepless nights, and anxiety-filled hours. But for those who choose this path, the reward is the ability to live life on their own terms. They’re able to pursue their passions and make a living doing something they love.

Is it worth it? That’s a question only each individual can answer for themselves. For me, I want to say yes, but I am still new at all this and my final answer isn’t in yet. I’m willing to take the risks and face the challenges that come with being self-employed because the alternative is to live a life that feels unfulfilling. I want to make a difference in the world, to leave a positive impact, and pursuing my passion as a freelance photographer allows me to do that.

The world may not be made for the human race to live, but that doesn’t mean we can’t make the most of it. We may face challenges, but with hard work and perseverance, we can create the life we want to live. We can pursue our passions and make a difference in the world. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.

Why I Keep Seeking Approval from People Who Don’t Give Me the Time of Day: A Personal Journey

Why do I do this to myself? Why do I put myself through the emotional wringer of seeking the approval of someone who clearly couldn’t care less about me? I mean, seriously, why do we as human beings feel the need to seek validation from people who don’t give us even the smallest bit of effort? It’s a mystery that has plagued me for far too long.

So, I was recently hired to take photos of a product that I’ve been using since I was 15. I was thrilled about the opportunity, thinking that this would be the moment that this person would finally take notice of me and be proud of me. Yeah, I know, I should have known better. But did I listen to that little voice in my head? Of course not. I went ahead and sent this person a sample of my photos, hoping for a response, a reaction, anything. And what did I get? Absolutely nothing. Zilch. Nada. It was like I was sending my photos into the void.

But, you know what they say, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. So, here I am, once again, feeling like a complete moron for seeking the approval of someone who has shown me time and time again that they don’t care. It’s like I can’t help myself.

Why do we as human beings put so much importance on the opinions of people who don’t make an effort in our lives? It’s time to take a step back and ask ourselves what’s really going on here. Our worth and value as individuals come from within, not from the validation of others. So, let’s stop setting ourselves up for disappointment and start focusing on our own self-esteem.

Seeking approval from others is a natural part of being human, but it’s important to understand that our worth doesn’t depend on the validation of others. We must focus on our own self-esteem and recognize that we are valuable and deserving of love and respect, regardless of the opinions of others. And if all else fails, we can always fall back on sarcasm to help us get through the tough times. Because, let’s be real, sometimes sarcasm is the only thing that gets us through life.

A self-portrait – This painting was hanging in The Orlando Museum of Art and I was drawn to it.

Where Have I Been

You have probably noticed a lack of posts over the last two weeks and wondered…Where have I been? Let’s be honest you probably did not think that, and truth be told we all have lives to live and me not posting probably didn’t even cross your mind. That’s ok.

But I have been absent the last two weeks and probably will continue to be absent for at least another week. In the last two weeks I have traveled to Great Falls Montana, San Fransico CA, Los Angeles CA, Tempe AZ, and a few more cities in and around those areas. This coming week I will be traveling to Colorado, Oregon, California (again), and Hawaii.

The last two weeks have been an adventure, to say the least, and I have had my camera in hand at every opportunity, taking photos of my travels.

Some of these images have garnered an emotional reaction on my Instagram. So much so that I ordered a batch of postcards to be sent out to those interested. The postcard will feature one of the images above, but I am not telling which one. Those who want a postcard will just have to wait by the mailbox and be surprised.

I promise to update you on all my travels and such in the future, but for now, enjoy these images and I will see you next I get a chance.

Till then have a great day and make good art.

Is Photography Hard

Have you ever wondered why we don’t see more great artists anymore? What happened to the genius that was Einstein, Mozart, and Picasso? I am always amazed at how naive people chose to be because most people when they see a great artist, athlete, scholar, or musician just naturally assume they were born to that privilege. “It’s a natural gift” they might say. Rarely will these people ever think about what it took for that person to achieve the success they see today. Why? I honestly don’t know. Maybe they don’t want to compare their own lives to the life of someone who was willing to do whatever was required for what they wanted. Maybe they are afraid that if they look into that void all they will see if their own mediocrity staring back at them. Who knows?

This photo was taken on 35mm film. I am learning to take film photos again and this was shot on my Pentax SP 35mm Camera.

When I think of great people I have looked up to I often like to remember the story of Peter Dinklage and his first apartment. Before he was Tyrion Lannister he lived in a run-down apartment in NYC. No heat, AC, or stove to cook food. His landlord brandished a knife at him and his roommates several times and refused to fix anything. Can you imagine that? Can you imagine that as your home? Can you imagine sleeping there? Would you feel safe?

I can’t speak for Peter, but I have heard several interviews he gave where he talks about this time in his life, and all I can say is I see the sadness in his eyes. A haunting memory when he thinks back on that time. Was it worth it? Only Peter can answer that.

But that really is the question, isn’t it? When someone aspires to be great at something a sacrifice or two will have to be made. How many people are even willing to consider paying that sacrifice?

For me when it came to learning the art of photography, one of the hardest sacrifices I ever had to pay, was sucking at something. Growing up I had always had a natural talent for so many things. Music, theater, public speaking, and more. I never really had to apply myself to anything because everything came so quickly to me. I had no need to aspire for greatness because I was living on the high end of mediocrity. I was better at most things than most people and that was ok for me. Then…I picked up a camera.

I originally started photography to have something in common with my now ex-wife. She had several Nikon cameras and she allowed me the opportunity to shoot with one of her backups. The first week I started taking pictures I almost quit right then and there. My pictures were TERRIBLE! The composition was off, the lighting was either over or under-exposed, I had no idea what all the buttons did, and my photos looked nothing like the photos I had saved in a Pinterest folder for inspiration. The bottom line was I was a beginner, and as such had no knowledge, experience, or history to draw from. In short, I sucked!

See, now this is the part in the story where most people quit. I’m not naturally good at something? Oh well, not for me. So they give up. They put away anything that reminds them of their abject failure and move on to something where they can be a little bit better than everyone else.

The story I remember was in 2004 in CA. I was eating dinner at a friend’s home and his father, who was in his 60s, was bragging over dinner to me about how when he was my age he had done so much more stuff than I had. His tone was very condescending and I could tell he was VERY proud of himself. So I asked, “So what have you accomplished since then?” He…was…furious! I won’t go into details, but I was thrown out of the house and was never allowed to return…All because I asked one simple question.

So to sum a few things up…Is learning photography hard? Yes! I have been shooting for 10 years. I have read books, watched YouTube Videos, listened to podcasts, gone to workshops, practiced, failed, and did it all over again. Despite all of that work, study and effort I would describe myself as knowing maybe 1% of 1% of all there is to know and learn about photography. Is it worth it?

For me…The answer always comes to me when I work very hard on a photo and I get the exact image I was hoping for. The answer…for me…is always a resounding YES!

Another image I took on 35mm film. I stood outside setting this shot up for what seemed like forever. Most of the images on that roll of film did not come out very well, but this one…this one came out perfect!

So I encourage you to go out, try something new, and be brave enough to suck at something. You can do it! Thanks for stopping by. I would love to hear what you think about all this. Feel free to leave a comment or reach out on Instagram, Twitter, Patreon, or Vero.

SelfieWRLD Orlando

Last night I had the opportunity to attend a photographer & model meetup at SelfieWRLD Orlando. The event was sponsored by Pexels which I had not heard of until last night.

Now I am going to be honest, while I had been looking forward to this event all week in the moments leading up to the event I was filled with anxiety. Even driving to the event I contemplated turning around 5 or 6 times. But I got dressed up, left the house, and was going to be social god damn it! And I am glad I went. Not only was SelfieWRLD Orlando an amazing place I got to meet some very cool photographers and models!

I am actually surprised more locations and businesses like SelfieWRLD Orlando don’t exist, and those that do exist have only started gaining traction in the last 2-3 years, which is weird considering the last 2-3 years. SelfieWRLD Orlando is filled with individual booths, each booth having a different theme. It’s actually a great set up and I certainly will be going back for some fun shoots in the future.

Here are a few of my shots from last night. I have so many photos taken that I need to go through and edit, so make sure you are following my Instagram, Patreon, Twitter, and Vero to see all of them.

Also, don’t forget that my first newsletter comes out on Monday and we will be talking about 3 ways to take better photos on your phone.

Till next time keep taking great shots!

Thoughts on Freelance Photography Resources

I always thought if I ever became a published Author this Self Portrait should be my authors photo

I decided this month that I was tired of working for other people, and to pursue freelancing photography. This is/was a very scary decision as it means I will not have a “stable” income stream at the beginning of this new adventure. But I simply can not continue working for people who make bad choices, see their employees as slaves, and feel trapped in a job for the sake of a paycheck.

So here I am, once again trying something new and different. Something that honestly scares the living shit out of me, but something that, I hope, in the end, will be worth it.

Now, like probably so many others before me, as I pondered the idea of going freelance I did a lot of Google searches looking for articles, resources, and guidance on how to be a good freelance photographer, where to find work, and how to keep good clients. You would think in today’s world and with the vastness of the internet I would be able to find some good solid resources…but alas, I could not.

That is not to say that I did not find a plethora of articles and blog posts, because I did, but I could not find any that were of use or help to me.

Why? Well because they all said the same things just using different words. Every single article, blog post, online magazine article, etc all said the same things that freelance photographers needed to do. Here let me summarize them for you.

How to be a Freelance Photographer

  1. Buy a camera – Really? No shit Sherlock. Are there really people out there who don’t own a camera who wake up one day and think…”I want to be a Freelance Photographer” and then need to be TOLD to “buy a camera”?
  2. Set up a website – Again this seems like a no-brainer right? If you are going to become a Freelance anything you are basically starting a business population 1, and that business will need a website so clients can find you.
  3. Build a Portfolio – OK so I will be honest I was surprised at how many photographers try to “become photographers” without any kind of a Portfolio. TBH I was even more surprised at how many people don’t even know what a portfolio is or how to use a portfolio. So rest assured this is a topic I will be covering in a future post. Bottom line my advice to anyone is to get 10 good portfolio pieces BEFORE you go into photography as a business.
  4. Get your first client – Wow really?!? I need a client?!!? I NEVER would have thought of that! There were SO MANY sites that had this on their articles, but when you drilled into the HOW you find clients the material was surprisingly lacking.
  5. Create a schedule – This was often an advertisement for some sort of calendar app that was sponsoring the post.
  6. Edit your photos – OK but who is giving clients unedited RAW photos?! Anyone? Bueller, Bueller, Bueller? Again these kinds of articles usually advertised software like Adobe Lightroom in these posts, but I am often surprised how few photographers talk about the importance of editing. Taking the shot is honestly only part of the work. Editing is just as important as taking a good picture.

Pretty basic stuff to be honest, and if you ask me these kinds of articles lack the fundamentals of running a business, which is what Freelance is. Thankfully I have run my own company before when I ran my own gym called Geek and Gamer Fitness, plus I have worked in business, sales, and marketing for over a decade. So I plan to write a bit about the real fundamentals that I think are important about being a Freelance Photographer. Some of these topics will include…

  1. Basic & Advanced Sales Techniques
  2. What is a CRM and how/when/should you use it
  3. Cold call techniques
  4. Where to really search for clients
  5. How to set your rates, and how to find clients that won’t make you discount yourself
  6. The care and feeding of editing photos

So stay tuned to this blog for future articles. Also don’t forget to check out my Instagram, Twitter and my Patreon for all my updates, thoughts, photos, BTS, and more.

Some promotional photos were taken at Paddywagon Irish Pub Lake Buena Vista