Is Photography Hard
Have you ever wondered why we don't see more great artists anymore? What happened to the genius that was Einstein, Mozart, and Picasso? I am always amazed at how naive people chose to be because most people when they see a great artist, athlete, scholar, or musician just naturally assume they were born to that privilege. "It's a natural gift" they might say. Rarely will these people ever think about what it took for that person to achieve the success they see today. Why? I honestly don't know. Maybe they don't want to compare their own lives to the life of someone who was willing to do whatever was required for what they wanted. Maybe they are afraid that if they look into that void all they will see if their own mediocrity staring back at them. Who knows?
When I think of great people I have looked up to I often like to remember the story of Peter Dinklage and his first apartment. Before he was Tyrion Lannister he lived in a run-down apartment in NYC. No heat, AC, or stove to cook food. His landlord brandished a knife at him and his roommates several times and refused to fix anything. Can you imagine that? Can you imagine that as your home? Can you imagine sleeping there? Would you feel safe?
I can't speak for Peter, but I have heard several interviews he gave where he talks about this time in his life, and all I can say is I see the sadness in his eyes. A haunting memory when he thinks back on that time. Was it worth it? Only Peter can answer that.
But that really is the question, isn't it? When someone aspires to be great at something a sacrifice or two will have to be made. How many people are even willing to consider paying that sacrifice?
For me when it came to learning the art of photography, one of the hardest sacrifices I ever had to pay, was sucking at something. Growing up I had always had a natural talent for so many things. Music, theater, public speaking, and more. I never really had to apply myself to anything because everything came so quickly to me. I had no need to aspire for greatness because I was living on the high end of mediocrity. I was better at most things than most people and that was ok for me. Then...I picked up a camera.
I originally started photography to have something in common with my now ex-wife. She had several Nikon cameras and she allowed me the opportunity to shoot with one of her backups. The first week I started taking pictures I almost quit right then and there. My pictures were TERRIBLE! The composition was off, the lighting was either over or under-exposed, I had no idea what all the buttons did, and my photos looked nothing like the photos I had saved in a Pinterest folder for inspiration. The bottom line was I was a beginner, and as such had no knowledge, experience, or history to draw from. In short, I sucked!
See, now this is the part in the story where most people quit. I'm not naturally good at something? Oh well, not for me. So they give up. They put away anything that reminds them of their abject failure and move on to something where they can be a little bit better than everyone else.
The story I remember was in 2004 in CA. I was eating dinner at a friend's home and his father, who was in his 60s, was bragging over dinner to me about how when he was my age he had done so much more stuff than I had. His tone was very condescending and I could tell he was VERY proud of himself. So I asked, "So what have you accomplished since then?" He...was...furious! I won't go into details, but I was thrown out of the house and was never allowed to return...All because I asked one simple question.
So to sum a few things up...Is learning photography hard? Yes! I have been shooting for 10 years. I have read books, watched YouTube Videos, listened to podcasts, gone to workshops, practiced, failed, and did it all over again. Despite all of that work, study and effort I would describe myself as knowing maybe 1% of 1% of all there is to know and learn about photography. Is it worth it?
For me...The answer always comes to me when I work very hard on a photo and I get the exact image I was hoping for. The answer...for me...is always a resounding YES!
So I encourage you to go out, try something new, and be brave enough to suck at something. You can do it! Thanks for stopping by. I would love to hear what you think about all this. Feel free to leave a comment or reach out on Instagram, Twitter, Patreon, or Vero.
What Photographers See
Photographers are a very interesting breed of person. Their passion is to see and photograph things that most people take for granted. Their talent is to find beauty in the mundane. A photographer sees what sometimes no one else can, what no one else wants to admit, what no one else believes. What does a photographer see? Art.
Yesterday I talked about an event that took place here in Orlando FL at SelfieWRLD. Models and photographers from all over the state gather to network, meet, and of course, create. While I was working through the various scenes and backdrops I heard models say over and over...
"I'm not very pretty." "Can you hide (insert perceived flaw)?" "I don't think I am very good."
Photographers hear these and various related phrases all the time from people they work with, and I am going to tell you something that you should remember the next time you work with a photographer...They will never believe you!
Whatever flaw you see in yourself, there is a VERY good chance that YOU are the ONLY person who sees it. We are our biggest naysayers, but despite all that, a photographer's job is to see beyond your insecurities and worries. What a photographer sees is your truest potential. Your best self. The real you.
It is through this gift that photographers are able to bring out powerful emotions in a single image. They are able to capture what's really there instead of what someone fears are there. Because they can see what others can't and with a photograph, show the world what they see.
When I work with different models I sometimes catch a glimpse of who or what that person is. It honestly depends on the situation and the person as to how this bit of inspiration occurs, but it does happen, and it did happen while working the event at SelfieWRLD.
I was walking through the event and I stumbled upon Shaun. He was working with a few other photographers, but something stopped me and made me take note of him. He had a presence or an aura about him and I wanted to take his photograph.
When it came time for my turn to work with Shaun I asked him a simple question. I asked him to close his eye and think about the man he wanted to be in 5 years. I told him I would count to 3 and when I said 3 I wanted him to open his eyes and make his future self proud. I think he understood the assignment.
As I was editing this image the words of Muhammad Ali came to mind.
I’m a show you how great I am!
If only those in front of our cameras could see what we photographers can. If they could there would be more worldwide belief in one's self, and more people would go out and show themselves just how great they can be!
Thanks for stopping by. I would love to hear what you think about all this. Feel free to leave a comment or reach out on Instagram, Twitter, Patreon, or Vero.
Mental Health Exercises For Photographers
Yesterday I talked about how photography helped me with my own personal mental health. Today I would like to talk about specific ideas and exercises one might do, as a photographer, to improve their own mental health. Now, before we get started let me be clear, these are just suggestions, not law. The difference between an idea and law is that ideas are moldable. They can be changed, evolved, improved upon, and made better. So I encourage all of you reading to take my ideas and make them your own. I would even love to hear about how you have improved on these ideas on my Patreon, Twitter, Instagram, or Vero. So without further ado here are some mental health exercises for photographers.
Go On A Photo Walk-About
The first time I ever heard the term walk-about was watching the movie, Crocodile Dundee. The main character explained that it was a time to just walk around and think. No real direction or destination. You just kind of go where your feet take you. Going on a photography walk-about is not much different. You just pick a place and walk, camera in hand, and take pictures as you go. Some of my favorite walkabouts were in Cleaveland OH while there on a work trip, a local nature trail here in Orlando, and weirdly enough Disneyland. Some of my best photos ever taken have come from walkabouts, and I always feel a little better afterward both mentally and physically.
Work Through You Emotions With Self Portraits
In 2019 I decided to start taking self-portraits. I did this because I did not have a lot of good photos of myself, and I wanted some, and there were things I wanted to express that I thought I could through self-portrait photography. After I had created my first 5 or 6 self-portraits a friend told me something that I will never forget. She said that while the photos were good they lacked depth, emotion, and vulnerability, and that is what she wanted to see. So I sat down and wrote out some emotions that I have always struggled with. Emotions that I often tried to hide, but occasionally bubbled up to the surface in unhealthy ways, and decide to take a photo of those emotions. The one that really stuck with me was the photos I took of anger. Taking the photo and talking on Instagram about how anger had affected my life in the past brought a great deal of peace and closure to me. It helped me to see things about myself I had not seen before and helped me gain even greater control, in a healthy way, over my emotions.
Learn To See Art In The Ordinary and Mundane
There is this idea that we only see a small percentage of the world around us. We are bombarded by so many things that our brains can only process so much, otherwise, we would get overwhelmed and die. Because of that filter, we have on the world we often overlook or miss small things that carry great beauty. A few months ago I started taking the time to find those small items that we often overlook and turn them into beautiful works of art with nothing more than my camera and a bit of light editing. My favorite image that I have created in this endeavor so far is the one below. My wife had been doing some arts and crafts earlier and had left some colored pencils on our coffee table. I gathered up the pencils and put them inside a shot glass so they would all be held together. Using a chair I took a photo of them from overhead and this image turned into one of my most liked photos on any social media platform I am currently on. Art...made from the most simple object...a pencil.
I hope you enjoyed these mental health exercises for photographers. These are a few ideas I employ to help my mental health and I have found them helpful. What are some ways that you have used photography for your mental health? I'd love to hear! In the meantime make sure you are signed up for my newsletter where I share things that are newsletter exclusive. For example this week I will be sharing 3 great tips to take great photos with your phone!
Till next time - Keep taking great photos.
Can Photography Help Mental Health
Can Photography Help Mental Health
I always thought it a weird joke the universe was playing on me when I think back on the worst day of my life. It was April 1, 2009 (April Fools Day), and I was planning to kill myself.
I have struggled with mental health most of my life. Growing up I never really felt safe. School was honestly a form of cruel and unusual torture as I was plagued by both students and teachers for most of my grade school and middle school career. And while some people had the blessing of being able to go home and find peace I was not graced with that option. Home was a place of violent emotional outbursts, unrealistic expectations, dishonesty, and religious brainwashing. So when I tell you I grew up in survival mode you can at least have a vague understanding.
When someone grows up in survival mode it's extremely difficult for them to be present in the moment. Their brains are operating at 110% all the time analyzing every interaction, motion, word, and phrase. Looking for dangers, and planning out how they will react when the inevitable danger appears. It is an exhausting way to live, and one of the most difficult trauma responses to unlearn.
I carried much of this flight or fight hyper-vigilance into adulthood and I will be honest it ruined a lot of relationships, friendships, and opportunities. So when my world came crashing down around me on April 1, 2009 I thought I was done. I was tired, exhausted, and just didn't see a way out. More importantly, I just didn't want to live like that anymore. So I pulled out my gun, loaded it, and decided to have one last night before the end. I ordered my favorite Chinese food (sesame chicken with fried rice & a coke), cleaned up my apartment (no idea why), and decided to listen to some music. Now at the time, I had a 500-disc CD player, and it was fully loaded with CDs from 500 different artists. I picked up the remote and hit shuffle...what happened next will forever be one of the biggest surprises of my life!
I never reported mine, in fact, I didn't talk about it or tell anyone about it for years. It took me a while to come to grips with what happened. How it happened, and why it happened. Why me?
So there I was, sitting on the couch, eating sesame chicken and sipping on a coke. I had just hit shuffle on my CD player and the VERY FIRST song to come on was a song called Birthday by The Cruxshadows. Now I won't quote the entire song to you, but I will quote the lyrics that hit me like a ton of bricks...
"So look at your life
Who do you want to be before you die?
Look at your life
And what do you want to do?
Look at your life
Who do you want to be before you die?
Look at your life
You haven't got forever"— The Cruxshadows
I heard those lyrics and realized I did not want this to be my last night on earth. I wanted more, and to live a better life. So I unloaded my gun and put it away.
Now I wish I could tell you that the next day I woke up a changed man...I didn't. I wish I could tell you the next day was better...It wasn't...in fact, it was worse. But I knew I wanted to get better, and I had a long journey in front of me. I started going to therapy, reading good books, and making changes in my life. It did not happen all at once. It did not even happen quickly. But eventually, those small changes had a compound effect and my life started to improve.
One of the changes that came into my life a few years later was photography. Social media had introduced me to so many beautiful and stunning images online, and I desperately wanted to create beautiful images myself. I had no idea how, or what I was doing, but photography had sparked something inside me. A fire that was never going to go out. I started taking pictures of anything and everything. Some were good, most were ok, and a few were really bad. But I didn't care. Picking up a camera was a near meditative experience for me.
See when you grow up in survival mode, and eventually, learn to live in survival mode your brain never stops running. It moves at the speed of a supercomputer always looking for danger and popping out ideas of how to deal with that imagined danger. But when I put a camera in my hand my brain stopped looking for dangers. It took a break and for the first time in my entire life, I could be present 100% in the moment. No what ifs. Just me, my camera, and whatever I was shooting.
After living a lifetime in survival mode this reprieve from my brain was/is an experience I have difficulty describing. I remember trying to explain this to my best friend once and saying "Is this how normal people live?! Because if so they have no idea how wonderful their lives are!!"
So can photography help people suffering from mental health? Yes! It has not only given me a haven to help ease my troubled mind but has allowed me the opportunity to express difficult emotions that I could never express before.
I will never understand what happened that night on April 1, 2009. Why out of all those CDs did the machine pick that one CD and that one song? Was it a higher power? If so why me? I will probably never know the answers to those questions, but what I do know is I am grateful I did not pull the trigger that night. I am grateful I eventually discovered photography, and I am grateful I now get to create beautiful images and share them...Just like I wanted to so many years ago.
Learning To Shoot On Film...Again
A few months ago I stopped into my local camera store and asked about buying a film camera. I know it is a trend right now, but I was seeing some beautiful images on Instagram and I wanted to see if I could learn to shoot on film...again. I say again because I actually started taking pictures on film.
In 1995 I was in the 8th grade and we took a field trip to some sort of mine in the Appalachian mountains. Somehow my Father decided to loan me his Canon 35mm camera...That or I "borrowed" it without telling him. The latter is much more likely. I don't remember much about the trip...TBH most of my life's memories are kinda a blurry haze thanks to trauma, but I do remember trying to get some good shots while I was there, and this was one of the images I took.
Fast forward many years later, I have been shooting digital for over 10 years now and I want to try my hand at film again. Now keep in mind film itself has come a long way since 1995, but the manufacturing of film cameras has not. Most manufacturers stopped producing film cameras many years ago, so if you want to shoot film you have to find a vintage camera. This is a good thing, because most of the vintage cameras take excellent pictures, and the lenses that were made back then can seriously hold their own against the lenses of today. Today everything is made out of plastic and has sort of a cheap feel to it vs. the cameras of the past were made with strong quality materials, many of them metal, carry a good heft, and their manufacturing was so good that cameras built 40 years ago can still today take amazing photos!
I decided to purchase a Pentax Super Program 35mm camera. This camera was manufactured and released back in 1983...2 years after I was born, but as you can see from this image it can certainly take amazing images. This image is literally straight out of the camera with ZERO editing. I was out on a walk, saw this dried-up leaf, framed and composed the image, adjusted settings, and click got something worthy of framing.
See that is why learning to shoot on film...again was so important to me. As digital photographers I think too often we rely on our post-editing skills to make a photo look amazing, and many of us have forgotten the first rule of photography...get the photo as close to perfect IN CAMERA before you ever touch a piece of editing software.
Now that being said learning how to shoot film...again is not as easy as it sounds. I recently developed my 2nd role of film and out of 30 exposures only 11 pictures actually came out ok. Why? because I was relying too much on the camera's auto abilities and shooting in shutter priority mode instead of shooting in full manual and using a light meter to help me determine settings. So now I am working on my 3 roll of film and working hard to be more mindful of what and how I am shooting in order to get better shots.
If you would like to see more of my work from this roll of film check out my Patreon where I share more of my photography.
A Killer & The Dead
I have loved films and movies most of my life. Back before the age of streaming collecting movies and watching the DVD extras was a big favorite pastime of mine, and I always dreamed of being involved in films. So you can imagine my delight when I was invited by Austin Janowsky to serve as a BTS photographer on the set of his latest movie A Killer & The Dead.
For anyone who has never looked into how films are made...It is an extensive project requiring the creative talents of so many people. When people talk about giving their blood sweat and tears into a movie they are seldom exaggerating and most likely being literal.
The success of any such project is determined by the commitment and dedication of the entire team, and this past week saw a group of humans come together and work together perfectly. Were there setbacks? Yes. Were they overcome? Also yes.
So stay tuned for more news and details of this upcoming movie A Killer & the Dead.
Icon Park - Orlando FL
So last night I learned some interesting things about Icon Park in Orlando FL. Now before I get started I want to be clear, this is not a post talking bad about the park itself...Icon Park is a beautiful area filled with amazing lights, fun things to do and a lot of different kinds of delicious food. What this post IS about is talking about the park's rules and rights. Some of which I find to be very disturbing.
Last night I decided to drive out to Icon Park in Orlando FL and do some night photography. Night photography, especially after a good rain storm and some awesome lights is a favorite of mine, and I was excited to create some art. Not wanting to bother anyone I decided to drive to the top of their parking deck and use the top open-air level to shoot. When I got up there I was literally the only person up there.
Now as anyone knows, night photography requires the use of long exposures. This means you have to thumb down the shutter speeds allowing light to have a longer amount of time to get inside the camera and hit the film/sensor. When doing that the use of a tripod is highly recommended as any shake coming from holding your camera will distort the image.
Now I was using a varity of cameras while I was there. My main is a Sony a7iii with a Sigma ART 24-70mm lens. I was also shooting with a Pentax Super Program 35mm Film camera with a 70-200mm lens, an Olympus Pen EES-2, and a Kodak Ektar h35.
Now as you can see, the images turned out wonderfully, and I was VERY pleased with how they look. Because I was shooting with longer shutter speeds each image took some time to set up and after being in one spot for almost 45 minutes I decided I wanted to change locations and focus on shooting the Ferris Wheel. That is when the trouble started...
After moving, and maybe 10 minutes of time a security guard showed up and told me I had to leave because tripods were not allowed on this private property. When I asked him to show me the policy he said I could look it up online, and continued to harass me to go. I started packing up my gear and when I got into my truck I decided to look up Icon Parks Policy...
This is where I found the following two statements on their "Terms & Conditions" Page.
Large tripods and commercial-grade photography gear for purposes of commercial shooting without permission from ICON Park Media Relations.
Photography, videotaping or recording of any kind for commercial purposes.
Icon Parks Terms & Conditions taken directly off their website
Now look, I have no issues with this policy. Icon Park is private property and they can restrict who photographs their property however they like. However, two things bother me here...
- I was not there photographing commercially. I was there personally to make and collect images for my personal pleasure and use. I had/have no intention of profiting from these images. The security guard did not know his own company's rules, and since I was not commercially photographing my tripod should have been allowed. Instead, I got harrassed and thrown out.
- If you continue to read down further in Icon Parks Terms and Conditions there is a section entitled ICON Park Rights. Below I will quote the line that bothers me, but it basically says the park has the right to photograph, videotape, and reproduce anything all the way down to YOUR VOICE and profit from it without giving the individual any compensation...
We may photograph, film, videotape, record or otherwise reproduce the image and/or voice of any person who enters the ICON Park property and use the same for any purpose without payment to any person.
Icon Park Terms and Conditions taken directly off their website
Can someone explain to me how this is right? Can someone make this make sense? You ban photographers and individuals from filming and videotaping your property for profit, but you can do it to anyone who enters your property? Is that not the definition of hypocritical?
Fighting Perfectionism
Why is it, as humans, we feel this need to always be perfect? Never allowing anyone to see our imperfections and flaws. Who taught us that? Where did it come from? For me, it started VERY early. I was 8 years old and my parents took me to a book fair. Vendors sat behind tables stacked with books inside an old school's gymnasium. I was in heavan. As I walked up and down the aisles picking up books I wanted to read I spied a vendor selling journals, and on display was this very cool Star Wars journal with Yoda on the front cover. I wanted it! I asked for it! I got it! I could not be more thrilled and I was so excited to get it home and start writing. When we arrive back at our house I rushed to my room, pulled out a pencil, and started scribbling. No one has ever told me I have pretty handwriting, so after a few sentences, I realized that my handwriting was terrible and for whatever reason, I decided I had ruined the page. So I tore it out. This started a chain reaction that eventually lead to the destruction of this beautiful journal that I had craved so much. Tearing out the page scared the journal and you could tell a page had been torn out, so I tried fixing it, and with each fix the "issue" in my mind got worse and worse. Eventually, I gave up and the journal found its way into the trash. I was disappointed, upset, and heartbroken that I was not able to write in this journal to these perfecting standards that I had somehow adopted as young as 8 years old. This was my first step, albeit I didn't know it, toward the idea of fighting perfectionism.
Growing up I was taught that there was a certain order to how you lived. You went to High School, then College, for me I was expected to go on a mission for the Mormon church (that was non-negotiable), then I would return home, get a job, get married, buy a house, have kids, retire and then die. I did almost none of those things.
I did go to High School but never finished college. Didn't see the point in it. I did go on a mission for the Mormon church but had a false start on the first try, got sent home, and a year later went out again, only to get sent home early 18 months later for medical reasons. Got married to my first wife in 2005 (mistake) and got divorced 9 years later. In between, I could never decide what I wanted to do for my profession. I tried being a paramedic, safety professional, sales and marketing professional, multi-level marketing, gym owner, back to sales, and now photography. Got married again but to a different person (not a mistake), and somehow never managed to own a home inside all that time. My life has been anything but perfect. At least according to how I was raised and the expectations I was supposed to live up to.
Now does that mean I messed up? Sometimes...sure, who doesn't? Overall... absolutely not! Life is not about living perfectly. We have to fail in order to learn. If we never color outside the lines we will only learn what's inside the lines. There is a whole universe outside those imaginary lines, and there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with living a life others don't agree with or even understand.
The bottom line is this...I think the best way to fight perfectionism is by living an imperfect life, because when we learn that living an imperfect life is to live perfectly...all of us will be a lot happier!
What Do Photographers Do?
Film photography has been out of mainstream favor for many many years. And despite film making a resurgence most professional photographers will still rely on digital over film. This means a photographer is not limited to the number of shots they can take, and often most digital photographers can rack up an impressive number of shots from a single photoshoot. I myself can range anywhere from 100-1000 shots inside one photo shoot. So what do photographers do with all those photos?
Now I can not speak for everyone, but I will share what I do. I store them. Simple as that.
Why?
Because I might want to come back to them someday. As photographers, we are constantly learning. This hobby and profession always have new cameras coming out, new lenses to explore, and brand new software to experiment with, and with each passing year, we as photographers get better little by little.
With that new skill comes the opportunity for us to revisit old photos and ideas and see if we can improve upon our older work. Let me give you an example...
The photo below was taken 07/21/2020 with Maeve in Tampa FL. Now there is nothing inherently wrong with the photo. The shoot had some issues due to a lighting issue and I was forced to use harsh undiffused lighting that showed off parts of the client's oily skin. In post, I worked to edit in a way to minimize those effects the harsh lighting had, and honestly, I think, for that time period, I did a pretty good job. The client was happy with the photo and shared it everywhere.
Now fast forward two years later. In those two years, I have had a lot of practice when it comes to editing, and I have learned new techniques and skills I did not have before. So, the other day I decided to revisit this shoot and see what I could do...
Same photoshoot. Same lighting conditions, but you can see a BIG difference in the editing. Before I relied too much on Lightroom recommendations for editing and didn't trust my own unique creative skills. Today I rarely use any of Lightroom's automatic recommendations and adjust and edit the model and the lighting in a way that shows off my unique creative vision for a photo.
So the next time a photographer tells you how many full external hard drives they have...Don't give them a hard time. There might be a literal work of art in there, patiently waiting for the artist to learn a few new skills.
Photographers Near Me
It was just a few days before my wedding and something happened. The photographer I had hired to take pictures had to cancel and I was left without a photographer. You can imagine my panic, being a photographer myself, at the possibility of not getting good images on this very important day. So I did what roughly 135,000 people do every year...I pulled up Google and typed in Photographers near me. Want to know what popped up? Two Boudoir studios, a picture framing business, and two "family photography" businesses.
This was NOT a good sign and I was concerned, VERY concerned. Eventually I gave up on Google and decided to try Instagram. Going to the search feature on IG I tried "Orlando Photographer" and "Florida Photographer" and guess what?
If you guessed that I got nothing you would be correct.
See the problem I was facing here is a problem that I don't think is talked about enough when photographers decide to strike out on their own and become a freelance photographer. Being a freelance photographer means RUNNING YOUR OWN BUISNESS, and running a business requires skills outside of photography.
When you run your own business you need to learn how to...
- Find and retain customers - This means sales, marketing, Google AdWords, and picking up the phone and cold calling potential clients.
- Organization - Running a calendar, keeping appointments, doing the edits, etc.
- Presentation - Delivering a quality experience to the customer from start to finish.
- Finances - Invoicing, billing, taxes, ect.
- Social Media - Facebook, Google, Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, TikTok, and more.
Now why do I bring this all up? Because if the local photographers in the Orlando area had all set up a Google Business Profile I would have seen more options on my "Photographers Near Me" google search then I did. I would have been able to secure and find a photographer more easily, and I certainly would have had less stress in the days leading up to my wedding.
So to all my fellow photographers near me and far far away from me...If I have but one tip for you it is this...Go set up a business profile on Google. You can thank me later.
